This is the last of a four-piece series promoting ways Connecticut people can help overcome the political and social polarization dividing the United States. Here are Parts One, Two and Three.

It’s no secret that Americans are more politically polarized today than we’ve ever been.  Do you even remember a time when we weren’t this way?

The only time I recall was the few months after September 11, 2001 – 24 years ago now.  For a short but beautiful time, Americans really were united.  Our representatives in Congress came together to proclaim their commitment to working across the aisle and backed it up with some major bipartisan laws. 

Influential people and ordinary people all rallied around the president – even if they didn’t vote for him.  We put little American flags on the antennas of our cars, grieved together, and promised ourselves that we would “never forget.”

Sadly, that moment didn’t last.  Today, it’s something of a cliché to call for a return to our post-9/11 sense of national unity.  The cultural moment that existed back in 2001 is all but forgotten.  We Americans have settled ourselves neatly into political tribes that don’t work together, don’t listen to each other, and often despise one another. 

This type of toxic polarization, where we see people who disagree with us as “the enemy,” has made our civic environment dysfunctional.  Families have broken up, neighbors have turned against each other, friends have stopped speaking.  Many people have been hurt by our current level of polarization, and there’s worse pain to come if things continue this way.

Lots of people talk about how polarized we are.  They say we need to put aside our differences, recognize each other’s humanity, and move forward together.  Maybe you talk about these types of things, too.  If so, are you ready to take action?  Are you ready to take The Depolarization Challenge?

Unlike some of the other social media challenges you may have participated in, the Depolarization Challenge isn’t that difficult, requires no technical skills, and involves very little risk.  In fact, anyone can do it!  You don’t need to make a grand commitment or change your life in any major way.  You don’t need to put a flag on your car’s antenna.  There’s nothing to post, like, share, or retweet.  But, it does take courage.

People who take the Depolarization Challenge are those who feel that being this divided really isn’t working for us anymore, and the stakes are too high to continue in this direction.  Taking this challenge means saying to yourself; “I recognize the problem, and I want to be part of the solution.”  People who take this challenge have hope for a more peaceful future with less painful divisiveness.

If this sounds like you, I encourage you to try the Depolarization Challenge today! Here are a few things you can do to get started:

• Reframe your attitude toward compromise and changing your mind.  Both show strength, not weakness.
• Acknowledge that it’s okay to simply disagree.  Not everything needs to be debated.
• Flex your curiosity muscle.  If you’re talking to someone who disagrees with you, seek to understand why the person feels that way.
• Practice saying, “I’ve never thought about it that way before”
• Refrain from using “gotcha” arguments, “straw man” arguments, exaggerated claims, and stereotypes.  If you disagree with something, do it accurately and in good faith.
• Build your capacity to see each person as an individual with a nuanced perspective, not just a “liberal,”  “conservative,” or some other label.
• Find a viewpoint of the other side that you actually agree with. (For bonus points – share it with your like-minded friends!)
• Avoid bad-faith comparisons – like holding up the strongest points on “your side” with weakest points of the “other side”
• Pause when you see a post on social media that makes you angry. Remember that social media is monetized to promote divisive and polarizing content.  Not every meme deserves your full outrage.
• Resist the temptation to disparage people online.  Let’s face it – we could all do with far fewer internet trolls.
• Refuse to exclude people solely based on their political views or how they voted.
• Make it your mission to find an area of agreement, even in arguments.
• Realize that “people on the other side” are Americans too, and we will need to work together if we want America to work.

At this point you might be thinking, “but why do I need to change?  It’s those other people who are causing all the problems!” 

To that I would say, that’s why this is the Depolarization Challenge. Not everyone will do it.  Some people are not ready to step outside their comfort zone and change their mindset in this way.  But those who do will be rewarded with a stronger sense of community, a more functional civic society, less heartache, better relationships, and a country that they can be proud of.  And maybe, if enough of us do it over a period of time, our government can become less polarized too.

Unlike after September 11^th, our elected leaders aren’t going to show us the way.  This time, the shift towards depolarization will start with small actions from ordinary Americans.

We’ve done it before.  It’s time for us to remember how.

Kelcey Johnson Martin lives in Canterbury. The public is invited to participate in a Braver Angels CT open Zoom session Oct. 23. REGISTER HERE.