My family went through some rough times when I was growing up, and my parents divorced when I was around 9 years old. My dad is a retired Navy member. He was active duty for around 10 years but had to get medically discharged due to his back problems. They talked about divorce being a way to save money when my dad was just starting his job. My mom was working,  just as she still is today, cleaning people’s houses, being self employed and making every bit of money she can to give my siblings and I the best possible lives we could have.

Sometimes people try to persuade me it’s a good thing, to see it as a “Oh my god, you get to have two Christmases.” But they don’t see all the downsides to having divorced parents.

I am 21 and a student at Mitchell College and still communicate with and love both of my parents. It has always been a more difficult ride through life but they made the best of it. Sometimes my parents would try to one-up the other, to win the child over to their side. There was a time where my mom went on a trip out of state and my dad decided to try being funny and said she’s never coming back. That lead my brother to start bursting out in tears.  If parents don’t continue communication for the benefit of their child’s sake, then it gets even worse.

The tension between my parents continued up until they finally worked things out, including dropping my siblings and I off at a meeting place like Mystic Aquarium so they could make a place seem like a calm and relaxing area – it was just a way to not have to drive to the other parent’s home. I also had the realization I wouldn’t really see my dad and mom at the same place unless it was a sporting event for my brother, sister, or me. Which made me see soccer as something that kind of held my family together.

The way I have gotten through it was just continuing my life as a little kid and having a good time because I was still young, but it still affected me. I have gone through some hazing and having people make fun of me or using my parents’ divorce as an insult. Even people I thought were close friends would say things like “You’re the reason your parents are divorced.” That hurt so much when I was younger and didn’t fully know why they left.

This is something for many people to be aware of because around 35%-40% of first marriages end in divorce, which is an alarming number. There are many reasons why relationships end badly, like being forced into marriage at a young age or even just getting married to someone for the thought of money. One of the main causes of divorce is just losing feelings for their significant other. When couples have children they may stay, but there is also the high possibility that the father in the kids’ life may leave only because they do not want to deal with raising children.

There are many downsides to this outcome like the child living with only one parent and only really knowing one parent which causes disconnection from their friends or even their own family because they may not be able to relate to the opposite side. It also means kids can miss out on dad’s giving dad advice and mom’s giving mom advice or just informing the children about the other sex which is very important in the life of a growing child.

I hear and have seen so many instances of children who have divorced parents and have to go through so much regarding their mental health or people making fun of them, all because they have divorced parents. I just want people to be more aware of what goes on through the heads of people who have divorced parents and to spread more awareness of what goes on behind the curtain of people with divorced parents.

Aidan Acor is a rising senior at Mitchell College majoring in business management with a specialization in accounting and finance.