“We have to get up for lift at 5 a.m. I’m literally going to kill myself.”
A pretty typical statement thrown around the locker room during post-practice chatter. Nobody is alarmed; we always joke this way. We’ll complain about our sore muscles, sleep deprivation and chlorine-burned skin between gulps of chocolate milk.
And then, like clockwork, we’ll get a bag of ice and tough it out. That’s what we do as athletes; that’s what we have been taught to do our whole lives. From our first dive into the pool, step onto the field or run onto the court, we’ve been taught to play through the pain. It’s a culture, really. But what about when the pain is mental, not physical?
That’s something a bag of ice can’t fix.
Becoming a college athlete is one of the most exhilarating experiences of any athlete’s career. It is the thing we have worked toward for years; an intangible certificate for our hard work.
Playing or performing for a new team is invigorating, but with that comes a great deal of pressure. By nature, athletes are taught to embrace pressure, even apply it, to perform better. High-level athletes tend to feel a different kind of pressure. Pressure to be perfect — perfect for our coaches, teammates, parents, professors, but above all ourselves.
The word “perfectionist” is thrown around loosely in the media, often with a positive connotation. However, it can be dangerous. “Maladaptive perfectionism” is a serious condition that athletes find themselves silently struggling with. Characterized by high personal performance standards, harsh self-criticism, low self-esteem and negative self-beliefs, maladaptive perfectionism is the fuel for much tragedy in the athletic community.
It can lead to depression, anxiety, burnout and suicide.
Maladaptive perfectionist tendencies are often misinterpreted as ambition or overlooked as competitiveness. Mental illness is easily disregarded by coaches and trainers because on paper they see a 4.0 GPA, perfect attendance and outstanding game stats, but these fail to accurately reflect what is going on under the surface.
The entire college athletic community was forced to see the dangers of these tendencies in the spring of 2022 when we heard the devastating news that Stanford soccer player, Katie Meyer, had died by suicide.
She was captain of her team, looked up to by her teammates and loved by her friends. Every article called her a star player and pictured her with the most genuine smile. When she was found dead in her dorm, her family and friends were in shock. How could such a successful, celebrated young athlete be struggling so silently?
“There is anxiety and there is stress to be perfect, to be the best, to be number one,” Katie’s mother, Gina Meyer, said on “Today.”
Meyer’s story changed what I imagined someone dealing with mental illness would look like. Depression does not always take shape as lack of accomplishment or productivity. I realized it could be anyone.
Like so many other athletes, Katie Meyer had not seen a mental health professional at her college. Admitting to ourselves that we have a problem poses a huge challenge for athletes. We pride ourselves on being mentally tough, but mental illness tells us we are weak. The stigma surrounding weakness in athletics is something that stops many of us from seeking help. Even athletes who accept that they have a problem tend to self-cope rather than disclose their mental health concerns. According to a recent study, 30 percent of the general college population struggling with mental health issues will seek help. But of college athletes with mental health conditions, only 10% reach out.
Unfortunately, many athletic programs do not provide psychologists who have expertise in athlete mental health. Instead, they have sports psychologists who focus on optimizing player performance and game-day head space. While those are beneficial, they do not address the pressing needs of so many student-athletes.
According to the NCAA’s Sport Science Institute’s book, Understanding and Supporting Student-Athlete Mental Wellness, “Not many programs employ full-time or even part-time licensed psychologists. Instead, they depend on campus resources such as student counseling centers to refer for mental health issues.” This raises concerns because most regular student counseling is not designed specifically for the unique mind of an athlete.
There needs to be a change in athletic programs to improve mental health.
This is why I feel it is necessary that college athletes see mental health professionals, one-on-one, weekly, as part of our practice schedule. These could be 15-minute check-ins or hour-long conversations. We are required to go to practice, to lift and to do study hours. It’s time we added mental health counseling.
We athletes all need to take this step, so that none of us has to be isolated or embarrassed about seeking help. Not only could this save lives, but it would also help to break down the stigmatization of weakness in sports.
This way colleges can foster a safe space for athletes to be vulnerable. Being concerned about our mental health is not a sign of weakness.
Zoe Baker from West Hartford is a junior on the swim and dive team at Central Connecticut State University.